Chaos Drop #6: Stay on the f*cking bus. How to find balance between purpose and pleasure
This is a collection of quotes and thoughts that lingered for a while and made me think, digging deeper into thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Let's see if they will disrupt your inner peace as well. Beware, they may bring peace, but also existential terror.
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Chaos Drop is a selection of things that have recently shaken me, inspired me, kicked me into action, or lodged themselves in my mind so deeply that I can’t keep them to myself.
It’s a raw mix of books, thoughts, videos, conversations, concepts, and life glitches - things that have a point, not just hype. And sometimes they have no point at all. They’re just… interesting.
Irregular. Unplanned. But definitely not boring.
It’s not a newsletter. It’s a mental drop - whenever something piles up in my head, I let it out.
On the balance of meaning and enjoyment
Too much meaning so you forget to live or too much living you don't find meaning
Consider two people, two extremes.
Person One focuses on short-term enjoyment and doing things that bring immediate and short-term happiness. They enjoy themselves, have fewer worries, and, in general, might be totally happy in the moment. This person might, but does not have to, avoid issues and challenges that are waiting in the shadows, thinking, "They will wait, let's enjoy our lives and be happy." But does being happy mean a good life? Can happiness last long enough? Is happiness something we should aim for? Where is the pursuit of something greater and doing meaningful things, some kind of achievement or "giving back," you might think? Where is facing your demons, issues, thinking about the future, and long-term goals? They might wake up one day and realize they have many experiences and memories, but depending on their current view of the world and situation, they have done nothing meaningful. That happiness and enjoyment might turn into sadness and questioning of their past choices.
Short-term focus vs. long-term focus.
Person Two is grueling, determined, charging toward his or her goals. Full of grit, able to withstand defeat after defeat. Hardship is just something to contend with—something that is part of the way. They are looking for long-term success, achieving goals, and building something greater than the person itself. When it is finished and achieved, there will be rest. But the goalpost is constantly moving, challenges are popping up, and new goals must be met, projects must be done, and mountains must be scaled. Is overcoming challenges and looking for something greater than the person itself a good life? Can a person like this meet their goals? Is building something meaningful the meaning of life? Where is enjoying what is there? The fleeting moments that will never come back. We will never be in the same place, with the same people, the same mind, or the same opportunities. This person might wake up one day and realize they have achieved a lot, building themselves and the life they imagined. They have the life they imagined, but they exchanged it for a life that was not lived. They chased meaning too much, so they forgot to live.
Life is about the balance, which cannot be found but should always be sought and reevaluated. In most cases, people oscillate between two extremes described above. But there are people who tend to fall closer to one of the extremes. For some, it is just much easier to have fun, but for some people, it is just much easier to focus on bigger things and put away their current needs and opportunities, focusing on something larger. "I'll rest in the grave." There is so much meaning in their life that they forget to live. I tended to fall into that second category as well: delayed gratification, discipline, goals, focus, long-term goals, control of your destiny, body, emotions, thoughts. I forgot to live for a while. I had to rebalance and will try to do so in the future as well. Look at yourself. Do you balance living and meaning?
What to do, when everything is as it should be?
Peace, detachment, but then what. Paradox of contentment.
"After enlightenment, the laundry." I had a talk with my therapist, to whom I noted that my problem is that I have no problems. After years of practice, deliberately working on my thoughts, emotions, and thinking, taking care of my health, long-term goals, meditation, and introspection, I arrived at a place where, I say, have no problems. No fears. No worries. I’m ready to die. Ready to live. Here for happiness, sadness, the good, and the bad. I have goals, but do not cling to them. I have worries, wants, needs, goals but I understand them and I'm not controlled by them. I'm at peace with myself and my life: my past choices, and my direction in life. I know the things I can still improve about myself, the things that "could be better" with my life and myself. But I'm able to sit, detach, and just float in... nothing.
Of course, I'm human. There are moments where life brings challenges, moments from which I can learn, and moments where I fail. Problems, errors in judgment, life happening, sadness and tragedy.
Having the problem of not having problems: the challenge and kind of nervous feeling that being content and calm brings me, is my current problem. Do you see the error and a paradox that seems unsolvable? I can detach from that as well, but I cannot meditate and be at peace forever. I have to come back to living, breathing, thinking, and interacting with the messy world.
What takeaway could be taken from this story? Probably that life will keep happening, feelings will be flowing, thoughts will be coming and going until they will not. Accept what comes your way, just do your best, step-by-step.
Choices we make
You can be whatever you want, but not everything
This quote, if you think about it, can take you to many routes and thought processes. But let's take only one (you will see why).
One of my most recommended books is Four Thousand Weeks, with a great subtitle of "Time Management for Mortals". One of my colleagues I recommended this book to gave me the feedback that it gave her existential dread. And I understand why. Thank goodness we die sometime; that gives value to our life and value to our choices as well. That value carries some weight, and from that comes the existential question and dread: Oh my god. Am I spending my life in the proper way? What is the proper way? Is there a proper way? Did I make the right choices? Am I making the right choices? Is there free will or fate? And we will get back to the points I talked about above, regarding the long-term and short-term living mindset.
Imagine yourself in the past, standing in front of a big decision. Imagine that moment like standing at a bus station from where thousands of buses are taking off in many directions. And you simply cannot stand and stay, because staying means you will be put on a random bus. So you have to choose; you can go to warm places, unknown ones, dangerous areas, comfortable ones, nice buses, weird-looking ones, party buses... The choices are endless. But you can choose only one. The rest will take off, and the possibilities are gone in that moment. You have made your choice. And you are reliving this moment every day, week, and year. You are making decisions. By every yes, you are saying a thousand no's. To every career, you say no to a thousand other ones. By every committed relationship, you are saying no to a thousand others. Does throwing away thousands of opportunities, of which many (maybe most) could be better than the one you decided to choose, bring you dread or make you question your choices?
This quote is about focus as well. And we come to the "Helsinki Bus Station Theory."
I think in most cases, it's not that much about the choice you make, but what you will do with that choice, the route, and the possible destination of the bus. Every choice can have horrible events, same as fantastically positive ones along the way, if you drive long enough. And time and life do not stop, so you will be riding until you stop (die, sorry). At the beginning, it might seem that all the buses will have similar first stops and lives. But after a while, their route and your experience will diverge. If you made a choice and don't like your bus and its route, you can always change the route and start again. Changing the route, saying yes to another bus, is saying no to the rest of the ride on that given bus. It might go through the most horrible, bumpy, and ugly places, but after a long time, it might go to places of unimaginable beauty, fulfillment, and happiness. But it might stay the worst possible ride ever. You never know. So what can you do? Not much. You do not see into the future. But this thought experiment is saying, basically, that both good and bad things will happen on any route, by any choice, but embracing long-term focus, drilling down to something for a longer time (sport, hobby, skill, relationship, career), will bring you mastery and a unique place in the world and help you reach places you would not if you would constantly switch buses.
In short: Stay on the fucking bus.
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